Wash, Rinse, Repeat

Over the course of the past year, I have been presented with many pitfalls. Life has been one hardship after the next, sprinkled with some happy moments. I am not a victim here--Life happens and it simply is what it is. What I recognize from this past year is a continuation of a lesson that has been presented to me all my life: the fear of insecurity. I don't mean this in a confidence sense, but in many ways my world has been made less-than-secure, leaving me to doubt if I will ever be safe again.

I grew up in a household with an abusive mother. I never felt safe, in the basic of all relationships, the one between a mother and child. As I continued to grow, I can recognize many times in which I never felt safe. I am even jumpy when I ride in a car because I have been in numerous auto accidents. In this past year, my security has been threatened by acts of infidelity by my boyfriend, the loss of my scientific funding and through my illness. I had an epiphany last night about how I am challenged, many times over, to feel safe in my skin, safe in this world. It is a recurring theme, a lesson that continues to be presented to me.

Here is the thing about lessons: You will keep getting them hurled at you until you move beyond the hurdle. Even if you transcend one aspect of the lesson, life will continue to throw "stuff" at you until you advance to another level. It reminds me of a video game, with rewards but also increasing challenges as we move to higher levels.

One of my favorite authors says that life is soul school. It's true! We are always presented with a series of smaller lessons on a day to day basis which challenge our beliefs about love, compassion, forgiveness and the like. However, we are also presented with increasing lessons in particular areas because we chose them. That's right--We chose to come here to have experiences, which allow us to learn and grow in particular areas whether your perception of those experiences are positive or negative. Remember, life is not about "good or bad". As you learn your lessons, more will be hurled your way. It never stops and the best way to handle it is with grace. Grace accepts that life happens, not to us, but that it just happens. Grace says, "Oh, isn't that interesting?" not "Why is this happening to me?" Grace is open to a gift in all situations and it takes that gift and rejoices in it, even if is not discovered for months or years. A shift in perception can make a world of a difference when it comes to navigating through the negative. I have found the quicker we fall into grace, the quicker we move forward... maybe to another lesson, but certainly it is always for our highest good.

Thankfully, life threw all of this at me at once, so that I can finally see the "wash, rinse, repeat" cycle. What recurring themes do you see in the hardships that life throws at you? Do you challenge intimacy? Do you worry about money? Do you feel unsafe, unloved, abandoned, fearful? Where have you experienced loss? Annoyance? Pain? Struggles?

Whatever rocks you, rest assured that is your lesson.