Reality Check: Life and Cancer Happen

I've been away awhile, handling my own life. For those of you who do not know, I was diagnosed with breast cancer in December and my life between that time and now has been, well, a mix of chaos and drugs. I had a mastectomy at the end of January and am currently "no evidence of disease" with no further treatment required. I'm about as lucky as one can get with cancer.

Most would call me insane for saying that breast cancer was the best thing that could have happened to me, but it is. It gave me a strong and solid reality check. I used to believe that good things happened to good people, that justice is always done (karma) and that as long as you took care of yourself and believed in health, you'd live a long and healthy life. Boy, those things have shifted. I now believe: good health is wasted on the healthy, justice will not be done unless you take matters into your own hands and that good does not always prevail.

Pretty darn negative, huh? Well, not really. It's reality. We simply will not always get what we want., sometimes karma takes time--lifetimes--to come around and even if you do everything "right", you can still be handed a heaping pile of crap on a plate. What you CAN do is more important. You CAN decide. Decide to not let the sh*t storm blow over your sailing ship. Decide to not give a crap if what's his face didn't call. Decide to take steps in living your life as it is right now, enjoying it as it is.

I always thought I had a clear image of what I wanted in my life until I got cancer. When someone hands you the death card, it becomes evident what you want. I realize now how many times I dismissed what was truly important to me. Underneath the surface of "this is what I should do with my life" were glimmers of feelings of what I truly wanted. I've never felt more clear than I do right now about my career, my lifestyle, what type of relationship/family that I want. The truth is: Even if those things don't happen, I will be OK!

So let me ask you: Are you hiding behind another person's idea of what your life should be? What do you really want for yourself?

I also realized who was important to me. I was shocked by the lack of support I received from my own mother. She made my surgery about her and milked it for all it was worth. My father, brother and boyfriend were my main caretakers. I can't fault my mother for how she behaved, she was probably scared. Even if she wasn't, it is what it is and nothing I do nor think is gonna change that. Which brings me to another reality check: Your past only haunts you if you allow it. Yup! That's right. When you are wronged by others, when something doesn't go as planned, DO something to empower yourself about the situation. Don't piss and moan about how so-an-so didn't do x, y, and z. Move forward.

So let me ask you: Who/what has held you in the past? Are you willing to let it go?

Bad days? Yup! I've had them. You will too. The key is to not stay stuck in them. If today was my last day on Earth the last way I'd wanna spend it is on the couch moping about something. It's okay to have these feelings but once they become all consuming, you've got a problem. He didn't call? So what, take a bath. You didn't land the job of your dreams? So what, go out with your friends. Celebrate LIFE! We spend so much time mourning over things we cannot change, people we cannot change. While letting go is important, it's also equally important to celebrate the life you have right now.

So let me ask you: If today was your last day alive, how would you spend it? With who?

Sh*t happens. Life will not always be rainbows. However, you ALWAYS have power in how you respond and react to any of life's lemons. The power of decision cannot be taken away. Unless, of course, you choose to give it away. Which brings me to my final reality check: The power of decision is wasted on those who choose not to use it, who instead hand it over to a friend, a lover, a spouse, a situation, even cancer...

So let me ask you: Who/what is making your decisions? Who/what has your power?