Relationships: The Pullback

You are with Mr. or Ms. Wonderful. Things are running along great! You can't imagine spending your life with anyone else. You are best friends, lovers, two peas in a pod. Then, all of a sudden, after an amazing time together, that person seems less interested in your relationship. You start to panic: Was it me? What did I do? Is he/she not interested? Should I call to figure this out? Should I go over there and demand answers? The answer: NO! You are just experiencing a natural and healthy relationship progression that I call "The Pullback".

So, what is a pullback? It's the time when your relationship has been nourished enough to flourish to the next level. This is a time when Spirit pulls you back to focus on you, your life, your career, your health and so on... The focus here is on YOU. So many people fight this natural progression, not realizing the blessing of the pullback.

We cannot constantly be forging ahead all the time. In energy, those stagnant moments are necessary in order to allow for transitions. Without those transitions, people would not experience personal growth and/or a new phase in the relationship. No amount of crying, begging, chasing, kicking or screaming will prevent the pullback from happening. Of course it feels good to be close. However, it is not healthy to be glued at the hip 100% of the time to anyone. This is especially true in the energetic world.

The best (and most disgusting) visual I ever received was a woman who was vomiting on her boyfriend. He had pulled back after an increasingly loving time together. As she asked me questions about him, each question showed him covered in more vomit. It got to the point that during the reading he was choking on her vomit. Yes, a grotesque visual, but it illustrates a valid point: When the other person pullbacks, let it happen! Don't be the suffocating partner. Would you like to be the one covered in vomit? I doubt it.

So, when does a pullback happen? Keep in mind, this is in a committed relationship:
1.) After a period of increased intimacy.
2.) When one or both partners needs to evaluate the next step of the relationship.
3.) When one or both partners is undergoing stress or major life decision.
4.) When too much energy has been passed to the other partner through thoughts, memories, feelings, dwelling...
5.) When one or both partners is experiencing a personal transition in energy.

This brings me to the point of what a pullback is not:
1.) The person you were dating that just stopped calling and won't return your calls.
2.) The unavailable (married, in a relationship) person who is devoting time to their actual committed life partner.
3.) The committed partner that poofs for weeks or months at a time. The disappearing act is NOT acceptable in a committed relationship.
4.) The guy or girl you had a one night stand with that never calls again.
5.) A nagging feeling that this relationship is over. If you are unhappy, only you can change that by walking away from the situation.

Pullbacks are a break in the usual pattern, so it causes a lot of concern. However, trust that this phase is happening for a reason. You wouldn't experience it if it wasn't necessary and most importantly, if you weren't ready. Try to see it as a positive. With every pullback follows a step forward on YOUR path. Don't read into it. Don't chase your partner. Don't dwell on the negative. Just let it all go. Let him/her pullback and have the grace to pullback into your life as well. Soon enough the reason for the pullback will be revealed and you will be grateful you didn't spend days or weeks energetically vomiting on your partner.:)