You are with Mr. or Ms. Wonderful. Things are running along great! You can't imagine spending your life with anyone else. You are best friends, lovers, two peas in a pod. Then, all of a sudden, after an amazing time together, that person seems less interested in your relationship. You start to panic: Was it me? What did I do? Is he/she not interested? Should I call to figure this out? Should I go over there and demand answers? The answer: NO! You are just experiencing a natural and healthy relationship progression that I call "The Pullback".
So, what is a pullback? It's the time when your relationship has been nourished enough to flourish to the next level. This is a time when Spirit pulls you back to focus on you, your life, your career, your health and so on... The focus here is on YOU. So many people fight this natural progression, not realizing the blessing of the pullback.
We cannot constantly be forging ahead all the time. In energy, those stagnant moments are necessary in order to allow for transitions. Without those transitions, people would not experience personal growth and/or a new phase in the relationship. No amount of crying, begging, chasing, kicking or screaming will prevent the pullback from happening. Of course it feels good to be close. However, it is not healthy to be glued at the hip 100% of the time to anyone. This is especially true in the energetic world.
The best (and most disgusting) visual I ever received was a woman who was vomiting on her boyfriend. He had pulled back after an increasingly loving time together. As she asked me questions about him, each question showed him covered in more vomit. It got to the point that during the reading he was choking on her vomit. Yes, a grotesque visual, but it illustrates a valid point: When the other person pullbacks, let it happen! Don't be the suffocating partner. Would you like to be the one covered in vomit? I doubt it.
So, when does a pullback happen? Keep in mind, this is in a committed relationship:
1.) After a period of increased intimacy.
2.) When one or both partners needs to evaluate the next step of the relationship.
3.) When one or both partners is undergoing stress or major life decision.
4.) When too much energy has been passed to the other partner through thoughts, memories, feelings, dwelling...
5.) When one or both partners is experiencing a personal transition in energy.
This brings me to the point of what a pullback is not:
1.) The person you were dating that just stopped calling and won't return your calls.
2.) The unavailable (married, in a relationship) person who is devoting time to their actual committed life partner.
3.) The committed partner that poofs for weeks or months at a time. The disappearing act is NOT acceptable in a committed relationship.
4.) The guy or girl you had a one night stand with that never calls again.
5.) A nagging feeling that this relationship is over. If you are unhappy, only you can change that by walking away from the situation.
Pullbacks are a break in the usual pattern, so it causes a lot of concern. However, trust that this phase is happening for a reason. You wouldn't experience it if it wasn't necessary and most importantly, if you weren't ready. Try to see it as a positive. With every pullback follows a step forward on YOUR path. Don't read into it. Don't chase your partner. Don't dwell on the negative. Just let it all go. Let him/her pullback and have the grace to pullback into your life as well. Soon enough the reason for the pullback will be revealed and you will be grateful you didn't spend days or weeks energetically vomiting on your partner.:)
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
What is love? What ishappiness?
I was talking to another psychic friend last night regarding the topic of positive emotions: love, happiness, joy, peace... Where do these come from? Often I get emails from clients, and even casual emails from friends and family, with the same formula: "________ happened. I am so happy." I always giggle because I want to ask, "Well what were you before you got that news and/or that even happened?"
We are conditioned to believe that what we seek--love, happiness and acceptance--comes from without. No, this is not the case. Think back to when you were a child. Did you wake up everyday holding out hope for that dream career? Did you fixate on getting your ex boyfriend back? Somewhere along the line we are programmed to seek outside sources to gain what we truly can ourselves. We all have the special talent to feel happy and loved even when our external circumstances are less than ideal. Isn't it great we were given such an amazing birthright?
The truth is, love and happiness exist whether you see them or not. You have the power to grasp them at any given moment. This is your choice. You can either hold out for something to happen to make you feel great or you can take steps towards feeling peaceful with your given circumstances, even happy with those circumstances, without the desired outcome. You can come to a place of happiness, feeling loved and accepted, no matter what.
Is there a magic bullet to get into this state? Not exactly. It takes work and for some of us, it will take a lot of work:
Step 1.) Acknowledge the reality and the accountability with the given circumstance. Once you own your feelings, your fault and/or your role in the current position, you move out of helpless victim-hood and into a place of personal power.
Step 2.) Forgive yourself and others for what has happened and let that old story go with love and gratitude. Have a letting go ceremony if you need to for that old story. Stop convincing yourself that you won't be happy until _____ happens. Stop telling yourself that you are not loved until you have a romantic relationship. Take control and change your thoughts to a different radio station. Better yet, figure out where that old stinky belief came from and find forgiveness for yourself, others and/or the circumstance that implanted it.
Step 3.) Do not dwell on the past. More importantly, do not dwell on the need for your current circumstances to change. There isn't anything wrong with having desires, but we are breaking the addiction to needing outside "wants" to fulfill us and give us happiness. In order to do so, focus on the present situation and find what you are grateful for: friends? TV? pet? beautiful weather? physical health? career? Focus on what you have and come to a place of peace with your present life, even if this means you have only one thing to focus on. Small steps still result in progress!
Step 4.) Create a new story where you are the star. Pay attention to your hopes, dreams and desires for yourself. Find comfort, even when things seem to be stagnant or tumbling down around you. When old thought patterns arise, trust there is a reason things have happened and let it go.This can be the tricky part because we want to circle back to wanting for the sake of filling a place of lack. Do not go there. Only you can plug those holes.
Step 5.) Be happy! Tell yourself, "No matter what is going on around me, I am happy and I am loved." Use positive affirmations to keep yourself from going down the doom and gloom road. Use positive emotions as fuel for the manifesting process. Even by saying, "I am happy" or "I am loved" you are attracting these types of feelings. Start using those emotions to manifest for an area outside of what you are invested in: manifest new friends, a new hobby, a cup of coffee, a free desert, a spa day... As you attract positive experiences and emotions related to other areas of your life, you will begin to see how silly it is to look to a new job, a reunion with your ex or a new lover for fulfillment.
It just takes time, dedication and practice to not rely on a particular outcome as the source of love and happiness. Always remember that love and happiness, those vibrations, exist all over the Universe and they are free to grasp at any given moment. It's your birthright.
We are conditioned to believe that what we seek--love, happiness and acceptance--comes from without. No, this is not the case. Think back to when you were a child. Did you wake up everyday holding out hope for that dream career? Did you fixate on getting your ex boyfriend back? Somewhere along the line we are programmed to seek outside sources to gain what we truly can ourselves. We all have the special talent to feel happy and loved even when our external circumstances are less than ideal. Isn't it great we were given such an amazing birthright?
The truth is, love and happiness exist whether you see them or not. You have the power to grasp them at any given moment. This is your choice. You can either hold out for something to happen to make you feel great or you can take steps towards feeling peaceful with your given circumstances, even happy with those circumstances, without the desired outcome. You can come to a place of happiness, feeling loved and accepted, no matter what.
Is there a magic bullet to get into this state? Not exactly. It takes work and for some of us, it will take a lot of work:
Step 1.) Acknowledge the reality and the accountability with the given circumstance. Once you own your feelings, your fault and/or your role in the current position, you move out of helpless victim-hood and into a place of personal power.
Step 2.) Forgive yourself and others for what has happened and let that old story go with love and gratitude. Have a letting go ceremony if you need to for that old story. Stop convincing yourself that you won't be happy until _____ happens. Stop telling yourself that you are not loved until you have a romantic relationship. Take control and change your thoughts to a different radio station. Better yet, figure out where that old stinky belief came from and find forgiveness for yourself, others and/or the circumstance that implanted it.
Step 3.) Do not dwell on the past. More importantly, do not dwell on the need for your current circumstances to change. There isn't anything wrong with having desires, but we are breaking the addiction to needing outside "wants" to fulfill us and give us happiness. In order to do so, focus on the present situation and find what you are grateful for: friends? TV? pet? beautiful weather? physical health? career? Focus on what you have and come to a place of peace with your present life, even if this means you have only one thing to focus on. Small steps still result in progress!
Step 4.) Create a new story where you are the star. Pay attention to your hopes, dreams and desires for yourself. Find comfort, even when things seem to be stagnant or tumbling down around you. When old thought patterns arise, trust there is a reason things have happened and let it go.This can be the tricky part because we want to circle back to wanting for the sake of filling a place of lack. Do not go there. Only you can plug those holes.
Step 5.) Be happy! Tell yourself, "No matter what is going on around me, I am happy and I am loved." Use positive affirmations to keep yourself from going down the doom and gloom road. Use positive emotions as fuel for the manifesting process. Even by saying, "I am happy" or "I am loved" you are attracting these types of feelings. Start using those emotions to manifest for an area outside of what you are invested in: manifest new friends, a new hobby, a cup of coffee, a free desert, a spa day... As you attract positive experiences and emotions related to other areas of your life, you will begin to see how silly it is to look to a new job, a reunion with your ex or a new lover for fulfillment.
It just takes time, dedication and practice to not rely on a particular outcome as the source of love and happiness. Always remember that love and happiness, those vibrations, exist all over the Universe and they are free to grasp at any given moment. It's your birthright.
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