Love is a Battlefield...or is it?

Pat Benetar is one of my favorite musical artists. I often have her music on my iPod playlist when I work out. Yesterday, this song really struck a cord (hehe). Many believe love and all it entails has to be difficult. Is that true?

The media, especially soap operas, portray love as something that is not worth having unless:
** You work really hard for it.
**You go through dramatic ups and downs together.
** You give up your sense of self and completely entangle with another.
and I couldn't forget...for all you daytime Soap Opera fans...
**The person dies and comes back to life so you have to divorce your current spouse for that once-in-a-lifetime-soulmate-thingy-type-love.

In all seriousness, I used to think that love was not worth having unless it was difficult to obtain..and even more difficult to keep. My how much I have grown! My last relationship fell together easily, but making it work was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. Heck! I have a B.S. in Chemistry and have almost completed my PhD in Biochemistry and I still believe that making that 6+ on-and-off relationship work was FAR more difficult. Why? It just wasn't meant to be at that time.Or was it?

When it comes to love relationships, there are two roads I see during my work:
1.) The road of a partner in alignment--good compatibility, vibrationally equivalent, similar life goals, great timing.....
2.) The road of a partner that will whip you into shape!

I don't feel one road is greater than the next. We live and learn and relationships, as perfect mirrors to our work and growth, show up what we need to do to transcend to a higher vibrational level. This doesn't mean you need to be with another to do the work, just that work will be required to obtain that peace of mind, sense of boundaries and love of self that is required to attract an equivalent partner. Often love relationships are the catalyst to our growth. I know for myself, my crazy-making relationship was one that taught me how to set boundaries and the ending of that relationship allowed me to fall in love with myself again and work on my underlieing trust and self-esteem issues. I did that work alone. I got clear about what I wanted in a partner and relationship, made a list and when the timing was right (oh! that blasted timing) that person and that type of relationshp walked into my life. It's such a dichotomy to my past relationship. It's almost what I wanted, but more importantly, it's just what I needed! The Universe provided because I did the work, truly let go and had faith.

I want to comment on the topic of soul connections because I do believe they exist and are quite profound. These are connections that ALWAYS serve to whip us into shape. Often we experience this with a lover, but a friend, coworker, teacher, aquaintance, etc can all serve this function. Someone that sets us on our path of growth and gently (or forcefully) pushes up forward is someone with which our soul has a connection. Some people like to romanticize this connection. Some people like to seek and understand the meaning because this is how they feel Spirit will evolve best through them. I personally have nothing wrong with what that belief. However, it's my belief that I'd much rather try to create or manifest a situation, event or person than sit and wait for the lessons to appear. It's not to say you will always get what you manifest, but you will always get what you need. It's about faith, really. You'll understand the "hows" and the "whys" when you are meant to. You just need to give it up to God and believe!

How do you bring about a lover and/or relationship that doesn't drive you to the battlefield?
1.) Make a list of the type of person and relationship you desire. Get creative, but don't be superficial. There's more to a beautiful person than 6-pack abs or a petite frame. What is truly important to you? Marraige? Children? Life goals? Hobbies?

2.) Work on yourself. What are your underlieing issues? What type of beliefs stand in the way of receiving and giving love? What do you need to let go of? What do you need to grieve? There are many books out there to help you work through issues created in past relationships and your childhood. These are blocks to manifesting and you will remove them with this type of work. Seek therapy if you need to or the assistant of a spiritual advisor or friend.

3.) Create the type of life you desire. If you want to kickbox, do it! If you want to learn to paint, do it! This tells the Universe you are living life and you will learn to love yourself, which will ultimately attract others like a bee to honey. Remember, this is the life you'll have when you are with a partner. Take yourself out on a Saturday night--that's date night!

4.) Determine your boundaries. Do you lose yourself in a relationship? Do you give up sex before exclusivity? Do you play the role of the ice queen? Are you the drama queen? Are you too open or too closed off? Get clear and then figure out what you can do to change any flimsy or steel walled boundaries. This all goes back to doing your work and understanding your belief system. Make sure you understand what a healthy boundary is--it's set up with a clear and open heart, out of love for your self and not obligation.

5.) Remain positive and faithful. The greatest thing I ever did was to just give everything up to God. If something was one my mind, I'd say, "I don't know now but I'll know when I'm supposed to. Here, God, you take it." The aha-moments will come and with it, you'll understand the lessons. Heck, I even believe you can understand the lesson without going through the motions if you remain faithful and make time for self-reflection through journaling, creative ventures, relaxing or meditation.

So love really doesn't have to be a wretched, heart-convulsing experience. When you do your work, focus on your life and your dreams, and make attempts to let go and let God, that person WILL walk into your life and I can guarantee it will feel less soap opera and more easy breezy Sunday afternoon.