Love Lessons: Why is this so easy?

I started dating awhile back and have moved into an exclusive relationship. A few years ago, I was head over heels for a guy that did nothing but assist in the creation of crazy making in my life. I loved him, but he was not the right person for me. We struggled, fought, brought out the worst in one another. That life seems so distant now--like a different lifetime.

Flash forward to today with my current boyfriend: Because I was caught up in a drug-addict-like relationship for so many years, I caught myself asking the question, "Why is this so easy?" over and over and over again... Each step along the way never made me feel uncomfortable. I never doubted his interest. I always knew he was on the same page as me. When things didn't go according to my Aquarian driven idealized plan, I still did not doubt the progress. After careful examination, I realized why: When a man is interested in you and the timing is right for both of you, you know it. Additionally, when your life is so fulfilling and complete, you don't need to worry about filling it with another person. The man is just the icing on the cake. You trust no matter what happens, you will truly be okay. If this man isn't the right one, the Universe will provide another. The questions, the worrying, the internal struggle melts away... I couldn't believe how easy this was!

The interested man--who is he? Well, he's the guy that will call you, be attentive, make plans to see you and he'll do his best to fit into your already fulfilling world. The key here is that you have a life outside of him and if he's interested, nothing will stop him from making plans to fit into your schedule. Don't be unrealistic about this and expect him to jump like an animal through hoops. If you have an opening, accept. If you don't feel well or have other plans, decline, be polite and suggest another time. He'll come around if he's worth your time. If he's not worth your time, he will fade away.

This brings me to the topic of timing. Gah! So many times we are ready and the other person is not. This is a situation that one should not take personally. We all have our own lives, our own processes and it's difficult to pin point what is going on in another person's world. My suggestion: If you catch yourself moving into predictive behavior, "I wonder what he/she's thinking?", tell yourself, "I cannot possibly know what is going on with that person. I am going to assume it has nothing to do with me unless I am told otherwise." This phrase has been a God-send for me. The truth is: Sometimes you want a relationship and the other person isn't there yet--either because he/she needs to heal from the past, he/she needs to find a job, he/she needs to move.... NOTHING to do with you! If the timing is right, you will know it. Things will flow at a pace which is mostly comfortable for you. You need to do what is best for you. I'd never advise waiting. Always keep your options open because at the most interesting moment, the Universe might offer up just what you have been looking for...but you have to be open to receiving it!

Finally, how fulfilling is your world? Do you need another person to fill it up? Or is it already boiling over at the brim? A busy life guarantees two things: 1.) That you are capable of keeping yourself happy and content during those "down" moments in dating and during a relationship and 2.) That if you should find yourself single again, your life will not lack love. You will have love for yourself. People are naturally attracted to those who have a great relationship with self. This is where it begins. Your energy is invested in you, not dwelling on what another is thinking/doing/feeling. Once you come to this place of peace, there are very few questions to ask. You just know.

So, does this mean I fell into a relationship with absolute ease? Heck no! I'm human. Even with the ease and comfort of his interest, the timing and the pace, I still fell into the old patterns of worrying. The key is this: Before reacting to those emotions and the fear, ask yourself if it has anything to do with the current reality of the situation. 99% of it has NOTHING to do with the present tense. It's all old stinky feelings from the past finding their way to the surface to be stripped away. This is probably the most difficult part of the process: dealing with the leftovers and recognizing it is OLD news.

For me, I have issues with jealousy from past infidelity, issues with being vulnerable because I feel I am not loveable from abandonment issues and issues with being rejected... All of these things were brought to the surface in my current relationship. I feel many others can relate to this. So many times we react from this place from the past and then want to kick ourselves when we realize we overreacted heavily to a current situation. My process was to stop, take a deep breath and ask myself, "What is going on right now? How am I feeling right now?" It's amazing how the past can haunt you--but only if you let it.

I've learned a lot of things during the short duration of my current relationship: What an interested man looks like, how important timing is, the importance of maintaining a healthy and loving relationship with self and that old issues will always be drug up to the surface so that we can work through them. I thought I was out of the "working" phase and boy was I wrong! Our work is never done.

Looking forward to where this journey leads me....