Letting Go: The "Whys" and the "Hows"

Last night while laying in bed, unable to sleep, I thought about why we hang on for so long. My pet bird, Sweety, died a few weeks ago and I've been struggling with releasing a lot of that energy. While I sat in silence, it occurred to me that I wasn't hanging onto her because I actually thought she was coming back. No, instead, I was afraid to let go and face the situation because of what her existence meant to me-- the memories, the times she had assisted me, the ways in which I had changed because of her. I thought if I somehow let go that meant the situation meant nothing to me. I was afraid of the death of the "hopes and dreams" I had regarding the future with her. These feelings parallel those that we experience when we lose or face losing anything important in our lives: relationships, job, beliefs, friends, experiences, and so on.... I see so many people holding onto something or someone that does not serve them simply because they are afraid of letting go. So, why are we afraid of letting go?

1.) We define ourselves by our human existance and believe if we let go that means all our thoughts, memories and feelings will be lost.

2.) We cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel.

3.) We don't feel we deserve any better--either out of fear or out of guilt.

4.) We fear death and change on all levels.

In order to let go, we have to let all our expectations, hopes and dreams regarding that person, idea or event die. That's scary! Our minds want to cling to everything that is comfortable. The problem with that is when you start throwing out ropes to all of these things and clutching on for dear life, where is the focus? Are we concerned about today or are we more concerned with getting back what we had? Taking steps to move forward and let go IS possible. Like anything, it just takes a bit of practice.

I have let a lot of things go in the past few years: a long term relationship, friendships, ideas about who I was, career aspirations and beliefs. I'm still very much alive and very happy. It's not about giving up because the world is out of your control, but more about coming to peace with your current reality and realizing that no matter what happens--positive or negative--that it's somehow in divine order.

So, how can you let go?

1.) Make peace with the situation and be accountable for your role.

2.) Don't dwell on the negative or put yourself in a state of guilt or shame over what happened. Remember: It is what it is and it got you to where you are right now.

3.) Find meaning in what you want to release. Was there a lesson? What did you gain? What did you lose?

4.) Remember that the word "loss" doesn't have to be negative. Giving up something to gain something better happens all the time. You may even gain back the "old" in new and exciting ways.

5.) Be grateful for what has happened. Tell the universe, "Thanks" but "No thanks"... you would not like another. You have gotten the lesson. Create a future that serves you.

6.) Redefine your dreams, hopes, aspirations around you and ONLY you. Realize that "hopes and dreams" revolving around the person, beliefs, or situation do not have any place in the present.

Letting go is an important part of moving on as well as freeing up your energy. Those ropes, or lifelines, are best used to pull you ashore. Trust that if something is meant to happen, that it will. The Universe is a funny place--always working, changing and reconstructing in every moment. It takes one phrase, "I decide", to get the energy moving. Decide to let go and make steps to do so. You will be pleasantly surprised by the results.