Last night while laying in bed, unable to sleep, I thought about why we hang on for so long. My pet bird, Sweety, died a few weeks ago and I've been struggling with releasing a lot of that energy. While I sat in silence, it occurred to me that I wasn't hanging onto her because I actually thought she was coming back. No, instead, I was afraid to let go and face the situation because of what her existence meant to me-- the memories, the times she had assisted me, the ways in which I had changed because of her. I thought if I somehow let go that meant the situation meant nothing to me. I was afraid of the death of the "hopes and dreams" I had regarding the future with her. These feelings parallel those that we experience when we lose or face losing anything important in our lives: relationships, job, beliefs, friends, experiences, and so on.... I see so many people holding onto something or someone that does not serve them simply because they are afraid of letting go. So, why are we afraid of letting go?
1.) We define ourselves by our human existance and believe if we let go that means all our thoughts, memories and feelings will be lost.
2.) We cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel.
3.) We don't feel we deserve any better--either out of fear or out of guilt.
4.) We fear death and change on all levels.
In order to let go, we have to let all our expectations, hopes and dreams regarding that person, idea or event die. That's scary! Our minds want to cling to everything that is comfortable. The problem with that is when you start throwing out ropes to all of these things and clutching on for dear life, where is the focus? Are we concerned about today or are we more concerned with getting back what we had? Taking steps to move forward and let go IS possible. Like anything, it just takes a bit of practice.
I have let a lot of things go in the past few years: a long term relationship, friendships, ideas about who I was, career aspirations and beliefs. I'm still very much alive and very happy. It's not about giving up because the world is out of your control, but more about coming to peace with your current reality and realizing that no matter what happens--positive or negative--that it's somehow in divine order.
So, how can you let go?
1.) Make peace with the situation and be accountable for your role.
2.) Don't dwell on the negative or put yourself in a state of guilt or shame over what happened. Remember: It is what it is and it got you to where you are right now.
3.) Find meaning in what you want to release. Was there a lesson? What did you gain? What did you lose?
4.) Remember that the word "loss" doesn't have to be negative. Giving up something to gain something better happens all the time. You may even gain back the "old" in new and exciting ways.
5.) Be grateful for what has happened. Tell the universe, "Thanks" but "No thanks"... you would not like another. You have gotten the lesson. Create a future that serves you.
6.) Redefine your dreams, hopes, aspirations around you and ONLY you. Realize that "hopes and dreams" revolving around the person, beliefs, or situation do not have any place in the present.
Letting go is an important part of moving on as well as freeing up your energy. Those ropes, or lifelines, are best used to pull you ashore. Trust that if something is meant to happen, that it will. The Universe is a funny place--always working, changing and reconstructing in every moment. It takes one phrase, "I decide", to get the energy moving. Decide to let go and make steps to do so. You will be pleasantly surprised by the results.
Monday, March 23, 2009
Sunday, March 1, 2009
What is the past?
We give a lot of power to word "past", but what does it really mean? Is the past who you are? Does the past define what will happen in the present tense? In reality, the past is just something that happened; like yesterday's newspaper, you don't need to be reading it over and over again. Think about it--let's say you have a memory involving another person. Do you really think his/her perception of what happened, how he/she felt and what he/she recalls is going to be the same as yours? VERY doubtful. It's important to understand that you do not need to pay the past any extra special attention.
Fears, negativity, reactions, emotions... these are all shaped by our ego during situations from our past. We will be walking down the street, notice a car that looks just like our ex boyfriend's car and all of the sudden we are transported back in time. Our human ego takes us to a place where we had that fight about how he didn't call.... AGAIN! The problem with paying any attention to the negativity is that we will be attracting that situation into our lives along with continued negative emotions and memories. Who wants to feel like crap the rest of the day because of something that has already happened? I know I certainly don't.
People tell me, "The past is the past. You can't change it." Here's the kicker: YOU CAN. I'm not suggesting you find a time machine on Ebay and attempt to rectify the supposed "wrongs" of your past. Instead, it's about changing your perception. When you focus on the positive and pull it from a negative, you alter that portion of the past. Our thoughts create our reality. Thus, your focus will be on positive feelings and you will attract more positive memories and what you do want versus what you do not want. It's also important to remember that every single situation has brought you where you are right now. So, although heartbreak, financial hardships and loss of jobs can seem negative, remember that these happenstances are blessings in disguise. Rather than think, "Wow I was such a loser becuase I couldn't keep a job," focus on the past memory of feeling positive about this experience. By shifting your thoughts and feelings, you are well on your way to attracting positive people, situations and experiences into your life.
Here are a few tips on how to re-create the past:
1.) When a negative memory creeps up, change it. Daydream about how you would have liked it to go whilst keeping in mind you cannot change another. Focus on not being upset about something that happened. Focus on how you felt excited when you didn't get that job because it wasn't for you. Believe that breaking up with your ex was the right thing to do.
2.) Notice your beliefs around the past. Do you believe that love is hard? Do you believe you will always have financial difficulty? Change this belief. Visualize yourself laughing with those beliefs. Isn't it silly to think that the Universe doesn't want you to have success just like other people? Isn't it hilarious to think that we gave so much power over to another person or situation that it shifted our thoughts? We have the power to change it all for our highest good.
3.) Find the lessons. What did you learn from these negative experiences? What did you gain? Remember, focus on the positive. Do not think about how you spent two weeks on the couch eating cookie dough because that guy didn't want you. Instead, get in the head space where you had those "aha" moments. By focusing on the lessons, you'll be attracting more "aha" moments about the past and your current situations. This place of clarity will always bring peace.
Overall, don't be a slave to your past. It's absolutely pointless. Remember that whatever you focus on, you will attract. What do you want to attract? A relationship? A new friend? A Jaguar roadster convertible? Empower yourself to overcome old dingy feelings and beliefs. By coming to a place of peace, you will consistently attract what you want into your life--everything in your highest good.
Fears, negativity, reactions, emotions... these are all shaped by our ego during situations from our past. We will be walking down the street, notice a car that looks just like our ex boyfriend's car and all of the sudden we are transported back in time. Our human ego takes us to a place where we had that fight about how he didn't call.... AGAIN! The problem with paying any attention to the negativity is that we will be attracting that situation into our lives along with continued negative emotions and memories. Who wants to feel like crap the rest of the day because of something that has already happened? I know I certainly don't.
People tell me, "The past is the past. You can't change it." Here's the kicker: YOU CAN. I'm not suggesting you find a time machine on Ebay and attempt to rectify the supposed "wrongs" of your past. Instead, it's about changing your perception. When you focus on the positive and pull it from a negative, you alter that portion of the past. Our thoughts create our reality. Thus, your focus will be on positive feelings and you will attract more positive memories and what you do want versus what you do not want. It's also important to remember that every single situation has brought you where you are right now. So, although heartbreak, financial hardships and loss of jobs can seem negative, remember that these happenstances are blessings in disguise. Rather than think, "Wow I was such a loser becuase I couldn't keep a job," focus on the past memory of feeling positive about this experience. By shifting your thoughts and feelings, you are well on your way to attracting positive people, situations and experiences into your life.
Here are a few tips on how to re-create the past:
1.) When a negative memory creeps up, change it. Daydream about how you would have liked it to go whilst keeping in mind you cannot change another. Focus on not being upset about something that happened. Focus on how you felt excited when you didn't get that job because it wasn't for you. Believe that breaking up with your ex was the right thing to do.
2.) Notice your beliefs around the past. Do you believe that love is hard? Do you believe you will always have financial difficulty? Change this belief. Visualize yourself laughing with those beliefs. Isn't it silly to think that the Universe doesn't want you to have success just like other people? Isn't it hilarious to think that we gave so much power over to another person or situation that it shifted our thoughts? We have the power to change it all for our highest good.
3.) Find the lessons. What did you learn from these negative experiences? What did you gain? Remember, focus on the positive. Do not think about how you spent two weeks on the couch eating cookie dough because that guy didn't want you. Instead, get in the head space where you had those "aha" moments. By focusing on the lessons, you'll be attracting more "aha" moments about the past and your current situations. This place of clarity will always bring peace.
Overall, don't be a slave to your past. It's absolutely pointless. Remember that whatever you focus on, you will attract. What do you want to attract? A relationship? A new friend? A Jaguar roadster convertible? Empower yourself to overcome old dingy feelings and beliefs. By coming to a place of peace, you will consistently attract what you want into your life--everything in your highest good.
Who has your power????
Dis-empowerment. This occurs when we worry about what another person is feeling, thinking or doing. Rather than focus on "me", we dump all of our energy into a situation we cannot control. Isn't that silly? When you think about it--can you really ever truly control another? NO! So, why dump all of your energy into that matter? It doesn't benefit you in the least bit to focus outside of yourself. Instead, it just puts you in a position where you define yourself by others' feelings or actions. Common scenarios of this include:
* Why hasn't he/she called?
* How does he/she feel about me?
* I wonder if I do ____ if it will cause him/her to do ______.
* How can I make him/her love me?
Of course, the above are just a few common scenarios where a person so easily hands over their personal power. Your energy is best conserved for you and your situation. Rather than moping about something you cannot control, buck up! Empower yourself! If you are not happy with your current situation, figure out why. Are you listening to others' thoughts and feelings about what you should do? Do you seek consistent validation from others so that you can feel good about yourself? Are your dreams defined by what another person thinks you should do? Where are you in this equation? Do you even exist? Or are you just a robot that lives by the program of another's thoughts and feelings?
Self-esteem and acceptance issues are the number one reason we find ourselves in this place of "need". We are not confident in our judgment. We lack the faith that no matter what happens, we will be provided for in every way. It's human to have these feelings every now and then, but it's debilitating to your spirit to dwell on this sad state of affairs. Let it go, realize you are the only person worth your energy and focus.
People, situations and experiences will come and go from your life. You remove all of that and you still exist. Who are you? What are your dreams? What makes you happy? What is true to you? The next time someone hands you a seed of doubt, look that person, or the situation, in the eyes and say, "I respect you but this feels true to me."
* Why hasn't he/she called?
* How does he/she feel about me?
* I wonder if I do ____ if it will cause him/her to do ______.
* How can I make him/her love me?
Of course, the above are just a few common scenarios where a person so easily hands over their personal power. Your energy is best conserved for you and your situation. Rather than moping about something you cannot control, buck up! Empower yourself! If you are not happy with your current situation, figure out why. Are you listening to others' thoughts and feelings about what you should do? Do you seek consistent validation from others so that you can feel good about yourself? Are your dreams defined by what another person thinks you should do? Where are you in this equation? Do you even exist? Or are you just a robot that lives by the program of another's thoughts and feelings?
Self-esteem and acceptance issues are the number one reason we find ourselves in this place of "need". We are not confident in our judgment. We lack the faith that no matter what happens, we will be provided for in every way. It's human to have these feelings every now and then, but it's debilitating to your spirit to dwell on this sad state of affairs. Let it go, realize you are the only person worth your energy and focus.
People, situations and experiences will come and go from your life. You remove all of that and you still exist. Who are you? What are your dreams? What makes you happy? What is true to you? The next time someone hands you a seed of doubt, look that person, or the situation, in the eyes and say, "I respect you but this feels true to me."
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